As I’m typing this, it’s thundering like crazy. Ollie is, thankfully, as always oblivious to it.

Today wasn’t our strongest day.

No really new wins, but no major losses so that’s something.

A few observations:

-Last night, he was pretty restless, wouldn’t really settle. I’d pulled him off the Tramadol because it zonks him and makes him pant and go glassy eyed but he was clearly in pain so I put him back on it while I worked with the vet to get it adjusted (she was in surgery most of the day so I ended up finally working with another doctor on staff). Tomorrow, we will pick up Amantadine instead.

-Honestly, the lethargic, lack of real motivation is so difficult for me to see. Ollie’s never been the most energetic boy, but he tends to watch people all day. Observe and look for openings to be his devilish self. Today, he mostly just existed. Nothing really bad, but just kind of was…stoned.

-As far as bathroom trips, there’s an odd hesitancy I don’t know quite what to make of. At times, I get him to the front room and he just stalls. So I end up carrying him if gently nudging doesn’t work. Once outside, it’s hit or miss if he will continue on his own. This evening, with one small nudge, he went and took care of his business and then hopped all the way back, drank some water and then…stalled in the living room like he was uncertain as to what to do next. It’s a little goofy. But then we get into my bedroom and he went exactly where he always goes so…I think this is just probably one of those things you write off as “it’s the first few days post surgery, things are odd.”

-He’s eating without any problems. Water is another curiosity. Not in whether or not he’ll take it, but I got him a lifted up bowl and he keeps bypassing it and going for the lowered ones the other pups are using. I imagine he’s just not used to that and will eventually adapt to it as we go along.

-Tomorrow is bandage check number 2. These makes me exceedingly nervous because part of how we got to this point is his biopsy wound went catastrophic on us no matter what we did to try to turn the tide. So I’m always worried  – it’s Schrödinger Incision, both perfect and not, right?

I think my biggest struggle right now is to keep everything in front of me and not look too far down the road. It’ll be better in a few weeks and months, and yes that’s a massive relief but it’s making me get frustrated and maybe overly worried about small set backs or reversions or just days when he isn’t feeling that three days ago he lost something he’s had with him for nine years. It’s a constant message to myself that recovery isn’t a straight line and we still are traveling. I love this boy a whole lot and just want him to feel like his old goofy, scheming self again, but…patience. That’s my constant conversation with myself. I’m sure I’ll have it a dozen more times.

Until then, well, he will do his own thing like he always does. It’s why he’s my Best Boy.