My God, has this been an adventure of emotional highs and lows.

Let’s get the bad stuff out of the way first:

1. We got the results of Oliver’s full limb biopsy back: stage three soft tissue sarcoma. The diagnosis was due to the over 50% level of necrosis in the tissue. Interestingly enough, absent that, it wouldn’t have been marked as high because other indicators don’t suggest as much and it was deeply, deeply embedded in the muscle. However, it appears his injury four months ago may have released a demon. On one hand, there’s a degree of relief in regards to the guilt over amputation because we were going to end up here, anyway. On the other, there’s a whole new level of guilt because I really believed he wasn’t hurting terribly during all this time and…well. Regardless, the tumor is obviously out and the risk of spread, as I understand it is quite low. Not zero, but low. We’re still deciding what if anything to do next but after all he’s been through and being that he’s showing no other clinical signs, I don’t know that I’m in favor of further treatment. I want him to be happy and himself and not going through the hell of radiation or chemo or whatever because it “could”.

The Eh:

1. We went in for his incision/bandage check yesterday and they said the top stitches are healing really well, but a few lower are…eh. They gave us ten more days of antibiotics. His fluid has become this weird sludge-y stuff (which I guess is good? Because this is the stuff that eventually scabs?) Anyway, as of Wednesday, we will be going entirely bandage free save the tee-shirt. I am exceedingly anxious about this – I think I have my own PTSD from what happened with the biopsy wound (though the Doc tells me that with all that was happening in his forearm with the tumor and necrosis, it never had a chance and was likely always going to good boom. So…eh.
2. Today seems like a low day for him. He’s a tad restless as to position and quieter. Which makes me worry like crazy but the Doc keeps reminding me these things aren’t linear and to not freak about days when he’s maybe not feelings his strongest and brightest.
3. He’s currently on more meds than I am, lol. Gabapentin, Rimadyl, Trazodone, Amantadine, Cefopodoxime Proxetil.

Okay, now for something better:

1. Last week, I was a tad concerned about his intermittent yelps. After researching the board for awhile, it seemed to be leaning me away from stitches and towards phantom limb pain. He was already on Gabapentin but one of the interviews talked about higher dosages and then dropping down. So I asked the Doc if I could move Oliver up to 300×3 a day. Since then, almost no yelping (a rare one when he gets up after he’s been down for a very long nap but I think that’s just being a little bit staff and it’s always super short).
2. He’s tolerating the inflatable blue cone. He hates it like mad but he’s tolerating it. Mostly because he hasn’t figured out how to work his arm balance to get his remaining paw up and under it, but I’ll take it. Even if he looks at me super pathetically the whole time.

Clothing-wise (this remains a lol for me), I’ve been using the PetLife shirts because they’re thin and sleek and fit to his torso or around his bandages without creating a hang-down which can trip him up. And they come in some interesting color designs.

And perhaps some of the crazy:

1. I know he’s been feeling a bit better because a few days ago, I ran up the stairs to check on the puppy and from behind me, heard this click-click-click noise. Turned around and to my shock, he’d half-climbed the stairs to the landing. And was wagging his tail. Sigh.
2. Pill pockets remain a god-send. But I’ve learned how to reduce the caloric take of so many but breaking up one into many wraps. The Milk Bone pill pockets work best for this because they’re sizable and can take three Gabapentin pills and a Rimadyl (non flavored). This is wildly helpful if for no other reason than that they remove the stress from having to force pills down his throat, and they’re a treat.

Considering where we are, I think we’re in pretty good shape. It’s my anxiety and frustration and worry that makes me overthink everything, I’m sure. The fear that I’m missing something. Every tiny set back making me fearful we are about to hit a massive regression. The last four months were a lot of points of feeling like we were hitting a turning point and then getting snapped around so I keep looking for it. But, I keep reminding myself that Oliver is in the moment right now. He has quieter days but he seems very much like himself once again.

So first things first, obviously, heal the wound and get through this part, but I’ve also been researching supplements and trying to figure out what the best ones for him going forward will be. There’s so many and it’s hard to get a handle on what would be best.

This really has been the wildest pet experience of my many, many years of having these babies in my life. I can see why so many owners report feeling like their bond is even closer and tighter. Tho some days, I wonder if he blames me for all the discomfort and pain he’s gone through and to a degree, still is. He’s making it around so wonderfully well on three paws but then we hit days like today and…I dunno.

But look, let’s end this on an upswing –  my beautiful, brave boy: